I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
