I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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