i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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