Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
