wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
