Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
