he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize