fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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