Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
