I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
