Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
