She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Even my vagina gasped.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just had sex on a roof
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
