Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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