So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
