Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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