don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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