that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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