your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
