should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
