I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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