I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
