I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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