what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
