yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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