her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
