Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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