It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
