i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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