There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
