Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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