Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I could have mohawked her pubes.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
