Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
