What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I love having hate sex.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
