the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Randomize
