Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
