I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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