i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
