I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
