I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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