right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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