Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
