I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
