haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
