how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
