Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
