3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
