Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
