At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
