it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
