out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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