So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
