Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
