remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
