You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Dicks are not precious.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
