so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
