oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The feeling are messing with the penis
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
