Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
