Just fell off a train. Bad.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize