two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
