I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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