i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
