nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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