A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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