we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
