i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
