Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
