Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
