i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
