whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
