I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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