Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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