my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
