i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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