U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
