Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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