he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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