none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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