oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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