it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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