i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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